another sad story, about someone that obviously needed some help, and was lead into thinking that RC was a good way to deal with problems…
<<Hello all,
New here. Have been reading alot. and now feel the need to ask some
questions. My partner is a 10 year plus RCer-a true believer-who
counsels regularly, has gone to Seattle for intensive. and goes to
workshops 2 or 3 times a year. I have many issues with the Rc
approach, techniques, world view-etc. Most of those have been
addressed on some level in the preceding, and would love to pursue
those issue more at some point.
My current problem is the idea that she isn’t getting what she
believes is the correct level of support for her discharge process.
So she is, in my view, co-opting me into counseling her without my
OK. This involves violent hitting, screaming and me basically
holding her down while she cycles thru. My sense is that members of
their community have a tough time with the intensity of her discharge
so she has a hard time getting sessions. Plus her community is very
small and not growing. She is a victim of sexual abuse and this
process has to do with that, and getting rid of the past. She has
been doing this, with RC, for 8 years. Enough. My shrink has never
heard of RC and feels she is addicted to the process and involved
with a cult. I hate the idea of being used to further a process I
find narcissistic, emotionally mastabatory. and unhealthy. I am, in
essence, a trigger for her past issues and frankly it sucks. I love
this woman, and her issues are real, but after these “sessions” I
feel horrible. If I bring up my feelings about this or my general
discomfort of Rc-I am attacking and criticizing. Heard that before?>>
Oh yes, heard that before!
Is this just “one isolated case” of bad use of RC, how many of these examples do we still need?
Another perspective on Re-Evaluation counseling. 
Holy, holy crap. I wish I had seen this perspective sooner. I just got out of a year and a half long relationship with an RC devotee. She did intensives every year for the past five or six years, went to eight or nine workshops a year, hosted a class at her house, and did sessions more days than not. Believe it or not, this is her “secret” life, which none of her work friends or few remaining real-life friends know about. I didn’t even know about it for the first few weeks we dated. In hindsight, I think her rational self is ashamed of RC. But she’ll never admit that.
Over a year ago, I read some literature on helping people in a cult. The advice was to show unconditional love and refrain from attacking the cult. I stood by her, even when: (1) she slept with her primary co-counselor as a therapeutic way to “get closer to men,” (2) she made it a requirement for me to join RC in order to be in a relationship with her, (3) her primary co-counselor threatened me with physical harm, (4) she borrowed money to make a year-end charitable donation to the RC Foundation.
Those are just the worst things. I could go on and on. But the real danger of this cult is their manipulative behavior. Her response to any inquiry about RC, even something as benign as a question about it’s scientifically proven efficacy, resulted in her accusing me of “attacking” her. That was an effective way to shut down a conversation. Similarly, psychologists use a term called “gaslighting” to describe a method of one person convincing the other person that their emotions are unfounded. So when I was concerned and upset about the above incidents, guess who was the one who needed to fix themselves? Yup…me.
Thank you, so, so much for being here and spreading the word about this awful organization. I really wish that I could help her regain her own power and rebuild her life, and I would appreciate any help you can provide.
Hi Archer,
thanks for sharing your story. It seems that your ex-partner is really rc-hardcore. Fortunately mine’s not so bad, basically she has 1 session a week + 1 class, at least now that she’s busy working. So I’m adopting the strategy of not being too pissed off at it and trying to ignore it, we’ll see.
But I really despise the organization, the best thing is if some media will look into it and put them in the spotlight, it won’t be good for them and they might lose some support….
Not really sure how to help, there’s another discussion group on yahoo, but it’s not very active..
cheers.
Hey ResistRCadmin,
Does your partner know you have this blog up? After being in RC for way too long (pushing 30 years) and finally starting to think critically about it (I know, I’m a slow learner), I can attest to how freaked out RC folks get about any criticism at all. Thank you for keeping the flame of critical thinking about this group going!
How I survived in RC is by weaning myself down to activities I actually found benefited my life, such as sessions every week or two, and maybe a support group, maybe a class, and maybe one or two workshops a year. When I write it like that I can really notice it is a lot of time. And I tell you I get pressured all the time to do more stuff. I see now that I am going to have to wean myself off it way more. Now that I’ve started to see the inherent foolishness of some RC theory I don’t think I will be able to go to workshops any more. You won’t believe some of the rubbish I have heard lately in RC. The one that really put me round the twist lately was a leader trying to justify the logic of this question/answer “if disaster fell and humanity was down to maybe 30,000 people what would be the most important thing for RCers to do? Answer: Save the RC literature.” really, she said that Harvey said that and she explained why it made so much sense…. unreal.
good luck, carry the torch on…
I will write more later
hi HiddenCritic,
no my partner doesn’t know about this blog, she knows my opinions about RC and we had several fights and heated discussions about it.
Thanks for contributing here, I’m especially glad that this comes from someone like you that has (has been) in RC for so long and is critically thinking about it now. It’s very interesting to have some news and views from “inside” the organization, definetively weird the position on what happened if disaster stroke humanity, weird but not so surprising giving the self-centered view that the movement has.
One of the most disturbing parts or RC to me is the practice of “family workshop” or sessions involving kids or even really young toddlers, obviously from parents that are in RC, reading some of the stories on the yahoo group, to me is as close as it gets to child abuse, even if it’s exercised in the presence of a “consentient” parent. I wonder if you have any experience/insight in this area.
I did RC heavily from 1991 to 1997. It taught me that closeness and touch were not the same as sex and could be enjoyed separately and on their own. But RC could not cure me of my “frozen need” for closeness no matter how many times i discharged in sessions. The workshops that I went to were interesting, but ,mostly reinforced the pleasure I got from touching other people, without helping me end that compulsive need. I realized that most people attending workshops had similar needs and that the community consisted of needy people giving each other temporary and safe pleasure, even including sex, without any love or commitment. I left RC after I noticed that ARPS were just as conflicted and unhappy in their personal lives as the rest of us.
I appreciate the tools that RC gave me in listening, taking turns, and helping people deal with acute distress in the real world, but classes and workshops were really a waste of time.
I know exactly what you mean about workshops. I guess I am too oblivious to notice people having sex in workshops, but I did see people get kind of addicted to all that physical closeness, and people crushing out on one another, and to the discharge process itself. In my RC area it is not uncommon for people to talk about their “RC boyfriend” or “RC girlfriend”. I understand it can be a safe way to practice being close, but I think it fills in for real relationships outside of RC.
It attracts needy people who don’t have real relationships, but can justify their emotional emptiness by having RC relationships that are devoid of emotion. RC relationships are intellectual and sometimes sexual, but not truly loving, which is the best some people can do.. Cults attract those kinds of people in droves, and the people never heal.
However, RC theory isn’t all bad. I think a lot of it has merit.
RC did teach me how to listen and give attention. In my real life, I often give contradictions to people who are in need. A woman is feeling guilty about putting her father in a nursing home and I tell her how I appreciate what a good daughter she is.
She starts to cry and then feels better. I understand the difference between a feeling and
a rational thought, and try not to let my feelings make decisions for me. I’m definitely glad I took the course.
What exactly do people do in workshops? If you don’t mind me asking?
hi, I don’t know exactly since I’ve never been in one, from what I understand it’s like a continuous “session”, one to one or group. Then they sing songs, “wrestle”, play games.. anyone with direct experience?
I was in RC for about 4 years from about 2004-2008. I joined after a good friend of mine asked me to join another local group (other than hers). RC does a lot of recruitment where I live. Many of our co-workers were asked by the same person to come to a meeting to see if they’d like to join. So eventually, I was placed in a group. After time, I did see some of its merits: getting time, giving time, discharging, etc.. Did it help me with anything? No. The crazy thing is that our leader, a nice, young guy with an MSW, actually told another group member and myself, that we should consider leaving the group. (Both of us were older than the other 5 people and Jewish. Not sure if this had anything to do with it. ) He told this to us separately, in another room during partnership time. The 2 of us couldn’t believe what we were hearing. When we asked individually why? we couldn’t get a clear explanation. After the leader consulted with the head of this particular NYC borough chapter, we were allowed to stay. One year later, we were again asked to leave the group without any clear reasons. I was totally insulted and felt emotionally attacked. I was very upset. So I left the group. The other person, joined another group. After many months, I received a letter from the head of this particular NYC borough chapter apologizing and she stated that the young man leading the group was really not qualified to lead it. Unbelievable!!! I know she had something to do with the decision. No one asks people to leave RC without consulting the head honcho. Anyway, in the long run, I was glad I left. As I look back, the people were nice but didn’t really care much, they were doing what they were “supposed” to do to show support, but there was no real genuine support as far as I could see. No one really cared about anyone else, it was all kind of phony and everyone including the leader were rather immature and arrogant. My RC experience was only worth what I paid each session, just a few bucks. It wasn’t worth any more, if that much.
Newly married to long-term RCer (@14 year veteran) who was not open about how committed he was to RC before we were married and now it is poisoning and destroying our relationship. Slowly over the past year I’ve become aware of all the phone sessions he has each week and the regular “handholding” sessions each week. He thought it would be a good idea for me to experience a “practice” RC session so I did and I was truly shocked that co-counselors hold each other’s hands and look into each other’s eyes when having a session. If this isn’t an emotional affair with all these people then I don’t know what is. I have become more aware of the RC party line, as someone else mentioned. When you ask legitimate questions or point out discrepancies in the philosophy you are immediately accused of attacking the individual. When I say no I’m talking about RC the reply is that if you are criticizing RC you are therefore criticizing the RCer. I do not know what to do. I cannot tolerate this cult-like mentality in a highly intellectual man who is otherwise a wonderful person. I don’t understand how he can’t see that the RC philosophy keeps him mired in the past. The RC literature talks about helping one discover the zest of life but basically all the articles are about struggle and how hard it is to overcome childhood hurts. It is RIDICULOUS. I could say SO much more. I hate that he talks about his relationship with me with these anonymous people whom I am not supposed to know. But I’ve had more than one come up to me when they’ve seen me with my husband and make comments about me which lets me know he has discussed me with them. This is a betrayal of our intimacy as a couple. RC deliberately intends to make the RCer feel they cannot survive without it. It is one of the craziest of mishmash ideologies. They have so-called Family Workshops but families are not invited. None of the RC people in this community have spouses who are RC members so it is one parent plus child or children who attend the Family Workshop. Where is the Married Couples workshop? Doesn’t exist. Told my husband this RC thing is anti-couple and anti-family. It pays only lip service to families. Must stop. Could go on and on.
I am SO sorry this is going on in your life! As a person who’s engagement was just terminated by my partner of almost 4 years, who is also an ‘RC’er’ of over 20 years, I am SO sad for anyone who has gotten I to relationships with those involved in RC.
The biggest issue here is that in a normal relationship 2 people fall in love and as we learn to know each other, we grow together with both the good and bad. However, most people in RC know somewhere inside that it’s viewed as a cult, that most people would NOT think the session behavior is ‘normal’, so they tend to hide how deeply involved in RC they truly are! My fiancée (ex) is currently at a ‘workshop’, and will be at one next weekend as well…she has gone to week long ‘intensives’ in Seattle each year we’ve been together, she keads a local class to others and goes to monthly ‘leaders class’ as well. I’d venture to say that she spends about 12-16 hours a week ‘counseling’ in ‘sessions’, be it phone sessions, in person, or ‘mini’s’ as they call them. At the beginning of our relationship I expressed that I thought she was to involved and she cut back slightly…however, it’s only grown more and more over our relationship. The last ‘intensive’ she went to, before it I had pointed out that when she would go to them, she tended into come home after the week of counseling less happy in our relationship, more agitated about our relationship, and it would take time to ‘heal’ together. She was leaving for Seattle the next morning and while we cuddled on the couch she started crying, saying, “I don’t want to leave my family, I’m going to miss you”, and I comforted her reminding her that it was only a week. I picked her up a week later at the airport where she barely said hello, she was exhausted, and as I suspected, she was more distant then ever…it wasn’t long before we had an argument, much about how I don’t fulfill her needs or wants, at one point I reminded her about how we were BEFORE she left for the ‘intensive’, and she replied, “maybe while there I realized my expectations of you were to low”…
I know you don’t know me, and I could easily be a dead beat loser. But I have VERY good long term friends and family who love me, I’ve been in several long term relationships, I’ve held a job for 20 years and am a general good person. In our relationship I have tended to anything she has brought up that needed fixing or attention.
Please feel free to reply, please feel free to talk to me as cocounseling, in my opinion, is the reason our relationship has fallen apart.
So sorry to hear this. I accidentally found this blog because I’ve just met an RC and realized, though she hadn’t told me, that she must be involved with this organization. And, it’s scary! Thanks again for sharing this information.
I’m glad to get more info on RC. It sounds like this woman really would be helped by bringing God into the situation in a prayer counseling format where thee for of her past can be closed. Right now she seems “stuck” in the trauma. Forgiveness is the only thing that will set her free. You can spend your life going to anger management & using coping techniques… Or you can get rid of your anger & move on with life.
The door*