RC and relationships

follows a letter found on a discussion forum about Re-evaluation counseling, how many of these stories are necessary to convince about the dangerous and negative effects of RC??

<<Hello. I’m new to the group and thrilled to be here. After dating
my current girlfriend for 8 months and falling in love with her, I
just learned that she has been in co-counseling for over 20 years.

She did tell me that she did this thing called co-counseling, but was
very vague about what it was. I have a Ph.D. in educational
psychology and had never heard of it, but I’ve been out of that field
for some time and didn’t think much of it. At one point, I asked her
about it, and she gave me the party line about Harvey
Jackins ‘discovering’ the powerful effects of co counseling when he
helped a friend. She never mentioned the sexual abuse stuff at all
and she is an ardent feminist and had chastised me once about letting
my sixteen year old son post pictures of girls in string bikinis in
his room.

Two weeks ago out of boredom I thought to google ‘co counseling’.
Needless to say, you can only imagine my shock and dismay when I
started reading about Jackins’ sexual predatory nature and the cult
like methods the organization uses to recruit and keep members.

When I confronted my girlfriend, she at first denied Jackins
behvavior and then excused it and said that ‘he had received
counseling on it’. She wasn’t happy when I said he deserved a jail
sentence.

For two weeks we have been having a very difficult time. She insists
the group has no cult qualities; I keep finding more and more
references and examples of just that.

We are going to a counselor tonight; a licensed one, not a co
counselor to discuss this issue. She, my girlfriend, told me
yesterday she was willing to suspend her twice a week counseling
sessions, attend no classes or workshops while we were working on
this and so she could try to take my point of view. I agreed to
attend a fundamentals class.While I love her, I absolutely do not
want to spend my life with an idealogue who sees the world through
the lens of RC nonsense.>>

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49 Responses to RC and relationships

  1. Carrie says:

    Hi – I’m in a similar – but not identical boat. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost five months. He’s wonderful in so many ways… but I found out early on that he was very involved (a trainer/leader, with sometimes several sessions/week) in RC. He’s been involved since he was a teenager and is now 50. I’d known a couple of friends over the years that were involved, and it always seemed odd to me. Now that I’m intimate with someone involved, I’ve been doing lots of research. I don’t know how much to be concerned – for him and for me. He has never encouraged me to get involved (I’d told him that I knew people who were & that I wasn’t interested.) I’m scared & worried that this may be an indication of bad stuff @ him @ what he’s committed to.

    • Laura Ann says:

      Hi Laura, I tried to reply to you directly but I think the email didnt go through..
      Thanks for checking the blog and posting. An update from me… it’s going.. not too bad.. it seems that we came to an unspoken agreement where she tries to keep RC out of our relationship and common life, and I keep quiet about my views of the movement.. i know it’s far from being an ideal situation but maybe we can make it work.. my hope is still that sooner or later RC will cease to exist (no new recruits, too much “unfriendly” informations available on the internet.. or a combination of both), or that she will get tired of it. Maybe it’s unrealistic but who knows..
      How about you? Mind if I ask you what sort of challenges you’re having?

  2. velocio says:

    Greetings!
    I came across your blog while doing some research on the RC communities. My partner is involved in RC and has been for several years. He has tried to induct me into it and when I talked about it to another close friend he was very clear that he thought there was a great deal of destructive, cult mentality. In my research I have come across many scary and salvational things and I am truly confused. Your blog has been really helpful.
    The problem I am coming to you and anybody else who cares to comment about, if you have the time or inclination, is that there absolutely does seem to be a lot of solid value in the RC process but how is it possible to take advantage of that when I see it through the lens of a cult? Some of the things my partner says are rote, word for word, things from the RC ideology. I didn’t realise that at first but as I have read more about RC I have come across these ‘mantras’.
    Is RC a faith or religion?
    Can it still be valuable even if it is a cult?
    If all your ‘distresses’ are seated in childhood does that mean people do not have to take any responsibility, accountability or culpability for their current actions?
    I wish I could find someone to talk frankly about RC with because I would like to know the unvarnished truth about it and investigate the parts that could be useful but it sounds like any critique or deviation would be met with scorn and calls to discharge on distress.

    Any thoughts or opinions you have would be appreciated.

  3. Former RCer says:

    I’m a former “RCer” from the mid 1980’s until the mid 1990’s. I lived in several cities and had experience with a few communities-several workshops per year, several counseling sessions a week and the last few years teaching classes. Devoting this much time to RC, reading extensively and finally getting “other” kinds of counseling and training helped me to better understand RC in a broader context.

    Labeling anything is not helpful in my view and RC leaders tend to be defensive about many aspects of RC and is pervasive among longer term RCers. So, I wouldn’t go there with your partner. For those of us who haven’t had the loving and emotionally secure backgrounds RC seemed like a revelation and so helpful. Being heard, learning how to listen, being able to differentiate feelings from thoughts, expressing feelings without judgement are basic skills, but when you haven’t had much of that, RC seems so enlightened. However, all the issues mentioned here inhibit real growth of the organization. The “discharge” tool is limited and eventually I came to see it as incomplete and at times harmful. Staying in one’s fear, anger, shame, etc. which is basically what one does if counseling at least once a week can be debilitating emotionally, a constant reminder of one’s difficulties. Getting “present” which is the goal of RC is a more complex and difficult process; RC methods are not getting the “clients” there.

    RC is a intra-personal “tool” that masquerades as an interpersonal method and intellectual as others have mentioned. Because of that there is no real relationship help from the theory or practice. This is what propelled me out-having had relationship issues with my then lover, another RCer (we met “legally”) who was not interested in doing much besides “discharging” and “appreciating”, neither of which were effective for our complicated interpersonal issues. So, leaving was my only option. Several people in my acquaintance left about the time I did, some for similar reasons, some got tired of the rhetoric or avoidance of key issues or felt it was time to move on. This happens continually in RC, a small core stays and many, many people come and go and tells you something about its limits. I do believe that most folks in RC are well meaning and want to do good for themselves, others and the world. However, the methods are ineffective and many people who have contact with RC see that.

  4. bharasha says:

    If this conversation is still going on, I want to ask one question. Again, a similar situation, my girlfriend has been in RC for 13 years now. We’ve been together for 2. The first year I had no idea what she was doing but by the second year I asked and had the experience of looking it up and reading her literature and believing it is a cult that is not effective or healthy for people. So I enrolled in an intro course so I could really experience what it is before making any more judgements.
    I am getting tripped up on the fact, at least in this community, they encourage you to ‘fall in love with your counselor’. Thank you, I have enough jealousy issues already. So how safe is for people to fall in love with their counselors? I know they have rules to try to prevent anything happening outside of sessions but to me its an emotional affair. They have been telling me that we have a strong emotional need to discharge our distresses (and that there is no other effective way besides RC). So she is going outside the relationship to get her emotional needs met. I think that’s the definition of an emotional affair.

    • Hi Bharasha,
      thanks for your comment, and good on you for taking the step of checking out by person with the intro course. How far did you go? Are you still doing anything? I had the same idea but I was told that I shouldn’t go to it because I was probably going to be too “disruptive”, go figure!
      I haven’t heard the “fall in love with your counsellor” part, but it doesn’t surprise me at all: sounds like something that RC would encourage, probably they don’t mean it in a romantic or physical way, but I totally agree with you calling it an emotional affair. It’s probably something that they don’t publicize too much to the “rest of the world”, easy to see why.

      • bharasha says:

        I’m on week 10 of a 16 week course. This brings up so much though. It took 18 months until they offered a course to me and I learned how they do spend some time screening and selecting people. They say they need to select people that the community has enough resources for and they hope to get people who will be ‘good counselors’. I wonder if they were not including me all that time until my insisting over and over finally got me in. I do have most of the necessary skills because of my occupation already. If you or others want to continue this conversation privately I would love to. I have found some great things about RC and some not very good things about.

  5. velocio says:

    Hi Bharasha & Admin,
    I think this conversation will go on as long as partners of RC’ers need a support group. I am totally onboard with you about feeling a little like there is an emotional affair going on. I keep reminding myself that as long as he gets to have an outlet and privacy about some things then so do I. Sometimes it really bugs me that I feel like he can’t ever spaz out, or say what’s really – truly – on his mind, without discussing it first with some random RC’er. On the other hand I benefit from the fact that he tends not to get as reactionary and angry as I do and seems to have really good skills for dealing with some of my inarticulate attempts at expressing my feelings. On the other, other hand, it seems like he has a lot of RC programming and says the same shit to me over and over about ‘distress’. You need a lot of “hands” to talk about RC.
    I am with you Bharasha in that I think RC actually does have some good things but I find it difficult to overcome the wedge I think it drives in the relationship because it is like having an omnipresent mediator or third person. Its as near to a religion as I can imagine therapy getting and coming from that framework a lot of how it operates makes sense, in a bit of a scary way. I would love to hear about your experiences. I thought of taking a course as well but I think that along with the somewhat laudable ‘wanting to understand and see if its right for me’ standpoint I think I had/have a less laudable reason which is ‘know thine enemy’. Definitely happy to talk off list. Cheers!

  6. thinking says:

    Hello. First time poster. I found this blog because I’m scouring the internet for help figuring out how to deal with my situation. I am so, so glad to have found this blog. I’ve been dating an RCer for about a year. Our relationship is lovely, I just adore her, and so much of what I love about her I know comes from the work she’s done in her 15+ years of co-counseling. But I am extremely uncomfortable with many aspects of the org- things we are all aware of, I am sure, so I won’t list them here. I’ve known she was an RCer from our first few weeks of dating. She always gets a bit robotic-seeming when we talk about it, and mostly spouts the rhetoric that can be found in the official RC literature, but doesn’t seem to have much genuine thoughtfulness about RC. I try hard to be supportive, but inevitably I have questions about some aspects of this org that takes up so much of her time (2-3 sessions per week, teaches one class per week, 1-2 meetings per week plus workshops around once a month). If ever I say something less-than-positive about RC, she manages to VERY subtly turn it around to gently suggest I might have some unresolved issue that is causing me to take whatever view I’ve just expressed. She is in general SO thoughtful, sees the world and people and relationships with a blazingly intelligent and deeply kind perspective that I absolutely admire- but it’s like she’s a different person when we talk about RC. She has now made it clear that she wants me to join RC, and I’ve said that while I see it has been such a positive influence for her, it’s not for me. She thinks that I just don’t understand enough about it, or that I’ve read too much misinformation from people with “bad attitudes” on the internet to have any reasonable perspective. It’s driving me crazy- this wonderful woman, who I respect and value and who, most of the time, I feel so valued and respected by- becomes a person who I find confusing at best and scary at worst when we discuss RC. I will not join the organization, and frankly I’m not sure I can remain in relationship with this person who sometimes feels like an RC zombie. Any thoughts will be helpful. Mostly I just wanted to step into this conversation. I have been feeling upset and alone in my struggle, even though I have friends and my own (traditional) therapist to talk about it with. Again I am so glad to have found this forum.

    • Hi thinking,
      welcome to the blog. Glad you found it! I just started this a couple of years back just because I think there’s not enough information out there about RC, and the more people find out about it the better.
      If you have read the other posts, it’s not easy to be in a relationship with an RCer: with friends and family they tend to “hide” or minimize lots of aspects of the organization but obviously in a relationship it’s not so easy.
      In my case, we just tried not to step on each other’s toes: she keeps RC out of the relationship and out from home, and I try not to get mad about her going to classes etc… it’s far from perfect I know, but it’s the best I managed so far.
      On the other hand, she never asked me to join RC, probably she just know me to well to know that I will not work with me.
      You’re not alone in this, there’s plenty of us. I’m not sure what else can be done other than having a blog, I’m convinced that the organization will just die sooner or later (hopefully not enough young recruits to keep it going).

      all the best.

      PS. to you and the others: I’m trying to think what’s the best way to have more conversation offline, any ideas? mail-list.. set up a private forum?

      • thinking says:

        Hello again. Have you had any responses about how we all can communicate another way? An email list would work, or a private forum with logins, or something else. Maybe we’d be more able to discuss things openly if we knew the whole world couldn’t see what we’re discussing. I don’t know about you all, but I don’t want my partner to read this- I’m trying my best to be supportive and nonjudgmental towards her, even as I feel unsupportive and highly judgmental about RC.

      • Hey there,
        I didn’t got any reply yet, so thanks for doing that.
        I’ve set up a private discussion board here:
        http://opentoanalisys.forumotion.ca

        it’s visible to members only (i think) and new members must be approved by me.
        let me know if it works and we can communicate on there.
        cheers.

    • Flowersofjoy says:

      @thinking: would love to get in contact with you by email and to others. Interested in how it feels like for you these days.
      @resistrcadmin: great that you have set up this:
      http://opentoanalisys.forumotion.ca
      Unfortunately, not many people there and no one writes on the forum.
      I’ll try to post something there. We could exchange email adresses via the forum?

      • velocio says:

        I tried to subscribe to the forum but haven’t heard back, since it requires admin activation I haven’t been able to use it. If the admin hasn’t authorised people maybe thats why there has not been a lot of activity?

  7. Mybirch says:

    I would REALLY like to talk to some of the people here that have some perspective on relationships with those who are in cocounseling!! I’m wondering how to become part of this group…I’ve replied to several of the posts but I’m unsure who is the admin here and how to be added!

  8. sirgett says:

    Hello,
    i have been involved in Rc for a couple of years during the 90’s: having had the opportunity to “discharge” a heavy hurt for the first time in my life and the following relieve i felt made me very enthusiastic about their philosophy and practice, so i joined the movement attending classes and workshops to learn more about it and, possibly, become a “leader” myself. The first disappointments didn’t, however, discourage me (i thought it was due to my “patterns”) so i kept on until it was more than evident that it does not work the way they claim and it is in fact a disruptive and harmful infuence to get in contact with. Was very pleased to find this blog, wish to join the privat discussion (someone feels the need to hide their thoughts from people in this “very progressive and open movement”!).
    Found this article too:
    http://home.comcast.net/~reevaluation-counseling/pstory.htm
    thank you. cheers

  9. velocio says:

    Hey! Long time no write! I just sent a subscribe request.

  10. @velocio. I am sorry I must have missed your request email, I think you are activated now!

  11. I was wondering what happened to this. I actually have a lot to share but am out of time tonight. I was the guy who decided I just had to take an RC class for a year before I could really say anything about it. I have learned a lot and can see where RC may be good for certain people or at certain times of one’s life but I can also see where it is not so good. I also have first hand experience of being the partner to an RC community member and can share my personal experience.

  12. Flowersofjoy says:

    @Velocio: Can I get in contact with you on the forum?

  13. Ruth says:

    I was in RC for nearly 15 years. I was a single parent with two children and an elderly parent to look after. I think the support of that community kept me sane for most of that time. I had a bout of depression before I was introduced to RC by a relative and was just getting over it by that time. The leadership in the community suffered attacks from within and the community collapsed. Support from the leaders in other parts of the country is minimal and I have decided to stop trying to build any sort of pseudo community of RCers and naturalise it into my life. I attract people who need counselling and I usually teach them some aspects of co-counselling so that they can also support me similarly. I have stopped trying to introduce potential partners to RC because it usually flushes out all their inadequacies and insecurities faster and spoils the fun of building a natural relationship. I am looking forward to the next time around when I meet someone who is relatively unaware of their distress and doesnt discharge spontaneously. hahahaha!

  14. thinking says:

    Ruth I’m not sure what to make of your post. It sounds like you’re getting people to co-counsel with you without their knowledge or permission? Is that what naturalizing means? What do you think of the other posts on the blog? What do you mean when you say introducing potential partners to RC “flushes out all their inadequacies and insecurities faster”?

  15. thinking says:

    Flowers, Velocio, Admin- how are things? Any news in your relationships?

    I’m still plugging along. My partner has agreed to see a couples counselor, in part so we can get some tools to deal with fairly typical couple-y stuff that is coming up for us but mainly to help us figure out how to talk about RC… or maybe more accurately to help us figure out if we can stay together despite our vastly differing opinions about RC. For example, she insists her children will grow up in RC. I insist the opposite for my children! While I will allow that the discharge process and liberation work might have some limited but distinct value, there are just too many problems, too much controversy, too many majorly problematic things (i.e. the undeniably homophobic gay policy, the overly simplistic and priggish views on sexual desire, etc.) combined with no reasonable explanation or apparent repudiation of useless/outdated theories. (If nobody can seem to explain what the gay policy *really* means to me- a highly educated adult capable of abstract and nuanced thought- how on earth can anyone explain it to young people who have and will inevitably come across it?) Yet I feel strongly that she and I have very similar priorities and goals when it comes to childrearing. She has tunnel vision when it comes to RC as the be all and end all, and she can’t seem to see how happy healthy children could be raised without it. Or probably more accurately she can’t see her life without it. Anyhow I hope she continues to be agreeable to couples counseling, I look forward to her (hopefully) learning that traditional therapy is not evil (something she appears to have learned through her many years in RC). She’s obsessed with finding a counselor who won’t judge her, and I suspect what she’s fearful of being judged on is her involvement in RC, though I haven’t asked her as much.

    Hope to hear from you all. It’s reassuring to know there are others who are experiencing something similar.

  16. bharasha says:

    Now a year later things have changed quite a bit. My girlfriend is no longer an active member in the RC community. She goes to a group once a month or less just to be with her old friends and do the thing that they do. I think two things led to this. One was all the pain and arguing that was happening in our relationship because of her RC relationships. For some time she thought that RC was her main personal growth modality and was mad when she thought I was limiting her growth. After I took the course though, my criticisms were much more difficult to argue with and she started to think about from the outside a little more. Then we did a different ‘technique’ called The Work by Byron Katie. She teaches how every emotion comes from a thought (an unquestioned thought more specifically) and that you can heal emotional traumas just by playing with your thoughts. In less than a half hour you can dissolve a blockage that you may have been talking about for years in RC since you just keep ‘discharging on it’ over and over in hopes that it will not cloud your thinking. For me, when I did a few sessions with the teacher and he was till very upset about something that happened before he was 3, I just wanted him to question if his thought that it was wrong is really true. He wouldn’t be suffering now if he just thought about it, but he brings it up week after week and never gets anywhere. She saw this and had to come to terms with the inefficiency of RC for personal growth. She has so many tools that are so much better that she finally let it go. She likes the community and they are her ‘RC friends’ but ‘RC friends’ are really not part of your life in general, they are only your friends during your class or session.

    I still do think there are great things about RC. There is some good thinking about how we get hurt and how that effects us. There are great things towards limiting oppression. I think it is great for most people to learn the theory and practice it for awhile but to do it every week for the rest of your life is too limiting for my taste and apparently my girlfriend is starting to think the same.

  17. Flowersofjoy says:

    Wanted to share this article with you, it’s been a while I read it, but I remember it being one of the very difficult to find articles about it…
    http://www.culteducation.com/group/1114-re-evaluation-counselling/17866-group-influence-and-the-psychology-of-cultism-within-re-evaluation-counselling-a-critique.html
    Some parts of it I found interesting:
    Interestingly, their major recruitment technique has been dubbed ‘love bombing’. The target is vulnerable, lonely and confused. He or she receives enormous physical affection and positive reinforcement from the cult members. Unable to distinguish between the forms of closeness and its essence, or between public statements affirming noble goals and the real aims of the group, people are swept away on a tide of affection, and fully submerged in cult activities before they realise the full extent of the group’s goals or the extraordinary commitment required of its members.
    It is clear that the ‘unconditional positive regard’ at the core of much humanistic counselling can be manipulated by unscrupulous organisations into a form of ‘love bombing.’ RC is particularly vulnerable to such a critique, since many participants testify to overwhelming displays of closeness (e.g. hugging) between total strangers (Lyons, 1993). Evidently, participants in RC are expected to go straight from eye contact to body contact, vaulting effortlessly over all intermediate obstacles. This parody of intimacy is no closer to reality than what we find depicted in the romantic fiction of Mills and Boon. Such behaviours towards people when they are already highly vulnerable manipulates them into signing up for the entire RC ideology and experience, regardless of its real capacity to effect positive change in their lives. By encouraging people to engage in physical forms of closeness that would ordinarily be expected at a much deeper stage of relationship development, it is also possible that RC undermines the capacity of participants to assess the real levels of closeness in relationships within and without RC, thereby rendering them more vulnerable to manipulation..
    Another part:
    Their suggestions include a willingness to step back and reject a conceptual framework before debating specifics; scepticism regarding the instantaneous love of others and an acceptance of the hurt involved in rejecting such love; and a willingness to question authority. It should also be added that organisations which cannot accept discussion of these issues, or which attempt to dismiss them merely as an attack, are guilty of attempting to impose mind control on their members. There is no one right way to raise issues in healthy organisations. For that matter, healthy organisations are characterised by debate and disagreement more than the absence of conflict. Given its hostility to such pluralistic notions of participation and democracy, RC has the potential to become a fully fledged and harmful cult, despite its original humanistic aims.

  18. Flowersofjoy says:

    Hi admin, wanted to go to the private discussion board:
    http://opentoanalisys.forumotion.ca
    but the link does not work anymore.
    Could you please tell me here if you got my email about this? Since I sent you (and Thinking) emails yesterday, my mail address has been blocked.
    Anything to do with this:
    http://help.forumotion.com/t139292-important-modification-of-forumotion-domains-ca#945421
    Do others here also have this problem?
    @admin: is this problem to be solved?
    Thank you

  19. Flowersofjoy says:

    Thank you admin, I’ll try the new link!

  20. Flowersofjoy says:

    It works!

  21. thinking says:

    Has anyone seen Going Clear, the Scientology documentary? Quite shocking. As someone who is involved with an active RCer, I also found much of it disturbingly familiar. Not the really crazy stuff, not the violence, but certainly the concepts and the more subtle manipulations and mind-twisting strategies for keeping people involved.

    I find myself coming back here every few months, seeking community and advice from others who are close with RCers and who see the messed up aspects of the org. I see the foolishness in this strategy. Maybe eventually I’ll realize my relationship is not sustainable. I suppose I’m the fool for being so naively hopeful that she will change.

    • velocio says:

      Never seen it but will look for it. While I still don’t like the mindf*@$ that is RC I think I was able to cope a little more by saying something like “ok, there are some useful strategies here but can you see how some of them might be not so useful?” I think opening up the space that she might have some things she can rely on and keep will help open the door to examining those pieces that are part of the RC pie which are fillers and crap. I don’t know if that makes any sense.

  22. I haven’t seen it either but I can imagine it’s disturbing.. actually I think I’d rather not see it so I don’t get too mad about it.
    I came to learn that this weekend in the Boston area there’s an RC workshop targeted to teenagers… unfortunately it seems that they are able to get enough teenagers for a workshop, I wonder if they are “forced” by RC-parents to attend?

  23. thinking says:

    Hi admin- have you thought about opening this blog up to new posts from others, in addition to this post/reply format? I’ve got a few articles I’d like to share with anyone who is interested, and your blog is the best, most current and accessible resource I’ve found for support around being with an RCer.

    Here’s one: http://news.infoshop.org/mental-health/anarchist-critique-re-evaluation-counseling

    And I have a few academic articles written by an social scientist researcher who has put together some very interesting documents on RC.

    Hope all is well out there!

  24. bharasha says:

    I would love a link to the documents produced by the social scientist on RC.

  25. Lee says:

    Is this blog still active?

    • yes, I’m not posting anything new but I keep it on for people to read and post questions or comments.

      • Lee says:

        Thanks! I’m very concerned about becoming icicles with someone now that I unserstand what their involvement is with RC. I’m actually actually cared because she’s been she’s involved in RC for 30 years. And she can’t seem to think for herself. Would those here advise to run, based on your experiences? TIA.

    • velocio says:

      That’s a long time to be involved with RC. In some ways they definitely can’t think for themselves after a certain point, but that seems to be somewhat restricted to RC stuff. My partner has been in for a decade and we are doing OK, we just lead very different lives. I think, however, things might be different if you are talking about RC Seattle vs the rest of the world. Seattle is even weirder than most as far as I can tell.

      • Lee says:

        Yes, involved for 30 years in Seatlle :(. Should I just get out of the relationship now? I’m scared that she can never be fully in a relationship because RC seems to take up so much of her life. And so far, she hasn’t been honest that she’s even involved. She only mentioned that she does co-counseling.

  26. velocio says:

    My partner also gave me the ultimatum, in a gentle way, but it was still a “I wish you would take a class”. So I did. I did get a lot out of it but ultimately it was even more of a mindf@#$% than I thought it would be. RC is very much eroding our relationship and after discovering the subtle, sometimes not so subtle, racisms around Arabs and Muslims I am not surprised they seem to have a tough time attracting POC in general. But if you bring up these critique it is blamed on your distress, most likely how your parents raised you, and couldn’t possibly be that actually the other person is simply a jerk. RC shows folks how to externalise their issues and engage in a lot of shame and blame of others, rather than any assumption of error on their own part.

    • Lee says:

      Thank you! Sorry about the typos in my original comment. I didn’t realize my phone had made so many errors with the auto-correct! You expressed what I’ve experienced very succinctly. Thank you. Anytime, a critique is mentioned, period, it’s blamed on childhood distress, and I don’t even know much about RC yet. She’s kept it a secret.Yes, shame and blame of others but absolutely no assumption of error on their part. How long have you been involved with your partner?

    • hey, just curious about your comment about racism around muslims, do you have any examples? and what’s POC? It seems to me that in the local community there is a high number of people from the Jewish community and I wonder if the things are related, any thoughts?

  27. Lee says:

    Have you suggested outside counseling with a therapist who in not involved w/ RC?

  28. Lee says:

    One more question! Does your partner talk or text with their co-counselor throughout the day? Or, is it limited to their normally scheduled sessions?

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